The Graffiti Bridge Scale

For a long time, I’d wanted to write movie reviews on the internet. When I started, I looked around and saw how other people wrote them, so I could better understand how to be successful at it. One thing that a lot of people did was score movies, which I really didn’t like. Quite often, they had some obscure, esoteric metrics in their head to work out their numbers, making up an average from various scores. Just as often though, it simply seemed random. They’d spend the review trashing the movie, and then give it a 7.8 because the lighting and editing were nice and those factored into their score. Other reviews might get glowing reports, but only score a 5.6 because of some other thing not even mentioned in the review. I’m also not comfortable boiling all my thoughts on a movie down to an averaged out score. That’s where Graffiti Bridge comes in.

That movie is perfect as it’s a complete and utter zero. All its positives are drowned out by exactly the same number and magnitude of negatives. There are many movies better than it, but there are just as many movies worse than it. Finally I had an answer, I could judge every movie to how much better or worse it is than Graffiti Bridge! It’s like the freezing point of ice for the Celsius Scale, it is point zero. You will always know of a movie is getting a negative review from me because it will be represented as a negative number. Something like ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas would get a chilling -87 degrees on the Graffiti Bridge scale while Black Dynamite would score a warm and inviting 35 degrees on the positive side.

So now, you can always look at the end of the review for a score, and so long as you know what Graffiti Bridge is like, you’ll know how I feel about the movie in question.

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