Archive for the ‘Pain Box’ Category

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The Great Train Robbery (1903/Edison Studios/Dir. Edwin S. Porter)

Made in 1903, this is possibly the earliest western movie, although even the director of this movie would disagree with that statement. Not important, but he thought another movie was the first western, however I don’t think it was a proper narrative film like this is. See, before this time, most movies were just an event. Not even a series of events but a single scene with the camera simple pointed at whatever was happening. The earliest movies are quite frankly, dull. Unless you’re a movie nerd, or a history nerd, most of the “first” movies in history hold little to no interest because they were primarily just pointing a camera at a city street and capturing what was there. This was back in the day when simply seeing a picture move was enough to get riled up over. Now it’s true that there were movies with plot and editing and before this, but The Great Train Robbery was the first one to really bring everything together in a way that made it a big hit. One might say that this one proved there was something to this whole movie making thing. If you’re able, go out and buy Edison – The Invention of the Movies, which is where my copy of the movie comes from. If you get other versions, you may not get some of the brilliant use of colors that this one has.

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The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show: Company for Christmas (1955 CBS Dir. Ralph Levy)

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I can barely read that. This is going to be an easy one to watch, I can tell.

Well! The commercial will be easy with this one. The very first thing on screen is a Carnation Evaporated Milk can. We’re then told that Carnation Evaporated Milk brings us The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show. Before we get the show logo, we get an ad saying that Carnation comes from contented cows, which raises the question… How do they know? It’s been a long time since I was last on a farm, but I don’t remember the cows being contended or annoyed. They were just cows, i.e. big, stupid, lumbering, steaks on legs. That’s really all a cow is, and I say that as someone who has looked into the eyes of a cow and seen nothing looking back but void. At any rate, this is pretty good for me as all I need do now is sit back and watch the madness unfold.

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The Beverly Hillbillies: Turkey Day (1963 CBS Dir. Richard Whorf)

The Beverly Hillbillies is to the south what a Minstrel show is to blacks. It’s nasty, ugly, and carries a lot of very offensive jokes that just are not funny. This episode is in black and white, and it’s hard to think of a time when this was on in prime time, instead of weekday afternoons. Actually, in this day and age it’s hard to imagine this hateful crap was on screen at all. There can be no mystery as to why so many people in America think people from the south are stupid when watching this. This is practically a cavalcade of bigotry, and I hate every moment of it. However, I bought the thing and I need to have a review for this slot so I guess I’d better get to it.

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Fantasy Mission Force (1982 Dir. Chu Yin-Ping)
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The Atomic Brain (1964 Emerson Film Enterprises Dir. Joseph V. Mascelli) MST3K Episode 18 Season 5, December 4th, 1993

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The Amazing Transparent Man (1960 American International Pictures Dir. Edgar G. Ulmer) MST3K Episode 23 of Season 6, March 18, 1995

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Hercules and the Captive Women (1961 Dir. Vittorio Cottafavi) Episode 12 of Season 4 which was shown on September 12th, 1992

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