Avengers Review – In Bullet Point Form!

Posted: May 19, 2012 in Movie Review
Tags: ,

So we saw The Avengers

– I lost count of the amount of times people stopped using rifles during firefights because Pistols Is Better!

– Every time the characters started fighting, I wanted someone to pick Ryu so that the Marvel Vs Capcom feeling would be complete. Every big scene felt empty and flaccid to me, it had all the impact of watching someone else play a video game.

– Am, I only person who said “Tell me about the lambs” during the big tell me about the lambs scene?

– What military sky boat (a supremely stupid idea in the comics and worse in the movie) would have less failsafe and fall back precautions than a modern airliner?

– Does no one in New York City have any kind of self preservation sense at all? 15 minutes into a full blown alien attack and people are still gaping by windows hoping to get glass shards in the face.

– Those sky serpent things, were they some kind of left over design that Michael Bay decided not to use for the Transformers movies?

– A lot of the lines in this movie make no sense when you think about them. “They’ll come.” “How can you know?” “We’ll need them.” That’s no kind of answer!

– I have a nifty shield! I have a magic hammer! I have super strength! I have a full blow Deus Ex Machina suit! I have a… 9mm pistol… I’m just here for T&A aren’t I?

– So many of the jokes and quips fell flat for me that I started to resent the idea of laughing when one actually amused me. By the time Hulk punched Thor, I just sighed and looked away from the screen.

– And the guy who got Jossed was totally Jossed. That was not story supported, it was a cheap trick performed by a bad writer with no other way to make people care.

– Over all Joss Whedon remains a rather cheap hack with a rather shallow bag of tricks. If you like his bag of tricks, it’s probably fine. I hate his bag of tricks and the movie was chock full of the things I don’t like about his work.

Otherwise it was okay. I didn’t want to kill anyone, I didn’t want to ram chopsticks into my eyes, but Joss Whedon is still a shitty writer and I don’t like his works, but this is the closest I’ve ever come to not hating every minute of it. If we’d been watching at home though, I would have walked out less than halfway through and not finished it.

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