Cartoon Review: Wallace & Gromit – A Matter of Loaf and Death

Posted: August 9, 2011 in Cartoon Review, Reviews
Tags: , , , , , ,

Wallace & Gromit – A Matter of Loaf and Death (2008/ Aardman Animations/ Dir. Nick Park)

I really hate doing this. I hate having to be the one to do this to a franchise I like so much, but there is nothing for it. I am not a hipster, I do not watch things “ironically” and not just because that’s not what ironic means. I don’t seek out things because I know they will be horrible, even though I will occasionally seek out things that I know won’t be very good. I don’t watch old Hercules movies so I can laugh at their lame production value or sneer at the lousy translations, but because I genuinely enjoy them. Even something like Hercules and the Captive Women, I decided to watch and review it with the hopes that it would be charming and fun. However, that movie wasn’t fun and this movie isn’t fun. That’s what I hate about this, I hate having to tell you that this is just really, really terrible.

It’s not funny, but it looks nice.

Let’s start with the basics of what’s wrong with this production. It’s The Wrong Trousers all over again, and that’s not the only total lack of originality on display. It’s hard to go into this without a full and frank teardown of everything that’s wrong with this short. I don’t want to do a full tear down, because I don’t want to spend that much time on a thirty minute short. Also, it’s just not pleasant to watch and I didn’t have fun watching it. The only reason I decided to watch it again recently, and thus write a review to warn you (the people) was because I actually thought that maybe I’d judged it too harshly the first time I saw it. I wasn’t in the best mood, and I thought that maybe my negative reaction had more to do with me than the movie. Well, no, it wasn’t my mood, this is just a bad, unpleasant short.

Ducks. Just… you know… ducks. Trying to find a bright side here folks. Crappy ducks is all I got.

Saying that it lacks originality is an attack so broad, it almost lacks definition, so let’s try and tighten the attack up a little. The movie’s main plot resembles The Wrong Trousers in that Wallace shoves Gromit aside for another companion and that leads to his near downfall and death. There are also shades of A Close Shave in that there is a deadly mystery that must be solved. The problem is that the mystery is solved less than halfway through and nearly the last ten minutes are just a big action scene. An action scene that, instead of using broad genre defining references, uses direct references to things that happened in specific movies. I’m a fan of broad, or oblique references, not so much direct references to specific scenes. Having a poodle using a truck that looks exactly like the loader from Aliens and fighting a big fat woman (because fat=comedy donchano) just doesn’t work.

Yeah, not even sure what the point is here.

Then there is the fact that the story and storytelling aren’t very much fun to watch. The villain is really more psycho than I want in a lighthearted cartoon, and the comedy is… well it’s either not funny or really rather unpleasant. Fat jokes, naked bums, pointless and meaningless murder… a woman who goes psycho because she’s fat, which I know is just another fat joke but it’s so offensive that I want to have another stab at it. It’s not 1952 and fat women being mean and insane as a stereotype doesn’t fly with me anymore. The sad fact is, nothing really flies with this cartoon. It all falls flat, even the Batman gag about how you can’t get rid of a bomb doesn’t work here. This was not a fun cartoon to watch, it wasn’t interesting, and it was nothing we hadn’t seen before.

Because animal cruelty is HILARIOUS!

Let me just say it straight out, don’t watch this movie! You will not enjoy yourself, you will not have fun, you will not like it, you will hate yourself for wasting your time. It’s rare that I’m this direct in a review, because I believe in opinions being personal and subjective things, but this is objectively crap. I did science to it and the results that came out of my mega reviewing computer (The Reviewatron 900) was that it was the crappiest cartoon we’ve ever reviewed on this site. Yup, according to the Reviewatron 900, this is even worse than ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, which made me angry, but not actually depressed. This cartoon depressed me, it made me want Wallace and Gromit to end forever and never to return. The early stuff was so good, and this is so bad, that I’m left wondering what the hell happened. Leave me with my memories of good W&G cartoons, and allow me to simply fade away.

Official Score:
-99 Degrees on the Graffiti Bridge Scale.

It’s rare that a bomb will declare itself so prominently.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s